We admit that relaxing isn't easy at first and know that some folks may be uncomfortable with the idea of deep relaxation or meditation. So we've created this beginner's guide to total relaxation.
We're not going to ask you to twist yourself into a pretzel, subscribe to a new spiritual theory, or do anything far out. This is about relaxation, and it feels good. Promise.
PROBLEM: I just can't seem to relax on command. SOLUTION: Sure you can, it just takes practice, says Dr. Turk. "Relaxation's an acquired skill." Dr. Turk suggests imagining that your muscles are melting like butter. What's that? Butter makes you think of eating? Okay, here's something less stressful: Try thinking about warm water flowing over your body. You also might create a comforting scene in your mind, switching each day to a new locale until you find one that works. "There might be a beach scene, a snow scene, or you sitting pleasantly in a fine restaurant listening to the tinkling of the glass and conversation," says Dr. Turk.
PROBLEM: I have trouble with visualization. Me lying on a beach? I can't imagine that, even if Mel Gibson were purring in my ear about the sun caressing my body. SOLUTION: Put a visualization tape in your stereo or Walkman. "Find the tape that works for you," says Dr. Turk. "What's relaxing and pleasant for me may not be for you. For example, once I made a tape for a guy to help him envision skiing down a mountain on a lovely, cold, sunny day. It was right for him, but to me, a cold, sunny day is when I'd like to be inside by a fireplace." If store-bought audiotapes don't do the trick, make your own relaxation tape, using your voice or a friend's. Involve all your senses in creating an image, Dr. Turk says. "Try to make it as engaging and involving as possible. For example, talk about the sounds of birds, the smell of flowers, and the feel of the breeze against your skin. Add a drink of lemonade next to you so you'll taste the tart lemon. Try to make it as vivid as possible because the more distracting it is, the more engaging it is, and the better the effect it's going to have."
PROBLEM: I just get frustrated with relaxation audiotapes. They're too new-agey for my taste. SOLUTION: Another trick that works well is to focus on a scent, a picture, or a candle flame. If you have a heart-rate monitor, you might even concentrate on your pulse on the wristwatch that accompanies it. Or try to sweat away your physical tension with exercise, suggests Dr. Caudill. Downshifting through yoga, t'ai chi, or gentle stretches also helps. Dr. Kabat-Zinn recommends a body scan. "Bring moment-to-moment awareness to each region of your body, starting with your feet, then moving up your legs and torso, then to your hands and arms, and ending with your neck and head. As you encounter areas of discomfort and pain, try intentionally relaxing and softening around them. Try to sense your breath moving in and out through all regions of your body." Whatever method you choose, you should not expect instant results. Cultivating relaxation takes a certain amount of effort and discipline, especially in the early stages of learning.
PROBLEM: I'm in too much pain to think of a pretty scene. SOLUTION: Try something easier, suggests Dr. Turk, like focusing on your breathing as you think of the letters c-a-l-m in blue neon light. "That's what works for me." You also might want to change positions, perhaps sitting instead of lying down, or vice versa, Dr. Caudill says. If you can't disregard your pain, you might try the Lamaze approach-breathe into it. "Actively breathe deeply into that area of pain, and then feel as if the pain is rushing out with each exhale," says Dr. Spira.
PROBLEM: Errant thoughts keep encroaching and diverting my attention. SOLUTION: If your mind still chatters like a teenager on the phone, keep a pad nearby so you can jot down your thoughts. Eventually you'll run out of ideas and worries, and your mind will clear. Or try visualizing a basket and imagining that you are stuffing all your concerns and pain into it-and closing the lid, Dr. Caudill says. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself if you can't clear your mind, she adds. "If you judge yourself, you create a feeling of failure. And you don't need that."
PROBLEM: I feel vulnerable when I lie there with my eyes closed. SOLUTION: Keep them open, leave the lights on, lock your door. Remember, this isn't as difficult as it may seem. Do what makes you feel relaxed and comfortable. Keep in mind, relaxation is not about wiping out your thoughts and feelings. It's about making room for calmness and peace in your life. "People think deep relaxation is about trying to find a special switch in their mind that shuts things off or puts them in a 'special state.' But everyone's mind goes all over the place," says Dr. Kabat-Zinn, author of Full Catastrophic Living (Delta, 1991). "We tell our patients that we are going to teach them how to be so relaxed that it is okay to be tense at times and to just experience that. Trying to make everything you don't like go away can be unrealistic and self-defeating." With deep relaxation comes enhanced calmness. "You'll find a greater sense of self-confidence, knowing you're more in charge of your life and pain," he says. "Deep relaxation isn't a magic pill you take, but a way of being."
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